I Longed Desperately to Die

No toy no doll no pillow or clean blanket
nothing to hold but Sadie's marble
and once, an Agnus Dei from Father Barbara
before she took it apart (cloth and wax).

No expectation not a thing to look forward to
(no surprise in an empty heart).
No one to love but her only love, swallowed
by the earth (preacher didn't even come).

Nowhere to imagine but here.
No lap to climb no friend no companion
no playmate but despair.

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